Greener grass? Not quite.

At last: an intern! That is me, I am it. And I stand to prove that landing the internship is just as delicious as completing it. After ten hours of free labour, I have the following conclusions to share:

1) The door into the fashion world isn't vaulted. You're just a moron. Sorry, but it's true. I met some of the most idiotic bitches today, and they happen to be working for a premier fashion magazine. So quit complaining and revamp your cover letter.

2) You will never get the samples in the fashion closet. You will gaze at them for hours at a time, wishing the showroom forgets you just picked them up two hours ago. But they won't. And if they do, there's a multitude of women who have been in line longer than you.

3) Not all editors are stylish; and almost none of them are head-to-toe in Balenciaga.

4) People from insignificant states like fashion, too.

5) There is a such thing as a head intern and her ego may or may not be floor-through.

6) Don't smile at anyone.

7) No one is supposed to eat from the dessert table in the cafeteria. That's there for the press and anti-anorexia crowd (which coincidentally only exists OUTSIDE of the building).

8) Bring flats.

9) Showroom receptionists hate life more than you hate waiting for samples in front of howling and whistling messengers.

10) French/Italian market >>>>> American/British market. But you knew that already.

11) "Organizing the fashion closet" is a fake task, as it is simply impossible.

12) You aren't actually supposed to talk to the person you're interning for. No, no. That's for the head intern, only.

13) Hate Times Square? Don't intern. You WILL go there. A LOT.

14) Listen to your iPod in the elevator or play brick breaker. Any task that allows you to avoid eye contact/the 30-somethings who are undoubtedly judging your outfit is key.

15) Saying "thank you" is an insult and will earn you a bad reputation quickly.

16) There are two types of girls: Conde girls and Hearst girls. Choose now and forever hold your peace.

17) Dying to see models? Two words, five syllables: Meatpacking District.

18) I hope you weren't planning on sitting.

19) Lunch break = potty break.

20) Keep your head up.